When someone you care about loses a loved one, finding the right words can feel impossible. You want to offer comfort and support — but through a text message? It’s tricky. You don’t want to say the wrong thing. You don’t want to seem cold. But often, a thoughtful text is exactly what the grieving person needs in that moment: quiet support, from someone who truly cares.

Whether you’re texting a close friend, a colleague, or an acquaintance, this article will help you strike the right tone with sensitivity, warmth, and genuine empathy. We’ll cover what to say, what not to say, and how to follow up after that first message.

Why Texting Can Still Be Meaningful

While it might feel like a text isn’t “enough,” for many people, it’s actually the perfect way to reach out — especially in the immediate aftermath of a loss. A phone call may be overwhelming, and in-person support might not be possible. A text allows the person space, while still showing you’re there for them.

Things to Keep in Mind Before You Text

• Keep it short and sincere. This isn’t the time for long stories or detailed advice.
• Lead with empathy. Your tone should be warm and gentle, not overly formal.
• Acknowledge their pain. Don’t try to cheer them up or spin it into a lesson.
• Avoid clichés. “Everything happens for a reason” and “They’re in a better place” can feel hollow or even offensive.
• It’s okay not to know what to say. A simple message of presence can be more powerful than the perfect words.

What You Can Say in a Text When Someone Dies

Here are some thoughtful examples to adapt depending on your relationship with the person:

For a close friend:

• “I’m so sorry. My heart is with you. Please let me know if you need anything at all.”
• “I can’t imagine how hard this must be. I’m here for you, always.”
• “I love you. That’s all — just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you.”

For an acquaintance or colleague:

• “I was so sorry to hear about your loss. Thinking of you and sending you strength.”
• “Please accept my deepest condolences. You’re in my thoughts.”
• “I’m truly sorry for your loss. If there’s anything I can do, I’m here.”

If you knew the person who passed away:

• “Your mom was such a kind soul. I feel lucky to have known her. Sending love.”
• “I’ll always remember your dad’s laugh. Thinking of you and your family.”

If you don’t know what to say:

• “I don’t have the right words, but I’m here and I care.”
• “This must be so difficult. I’m holding you in my thoughts.”

What Not to Say in a Text After Someone Dies

Even with good intentions, certain messages can unintentionally hurt. Avoid saying:

• “They’re in a better place.” (This may not align with the person’s beliefs.)
• “At least they lived a long life.” (Even long lives end too soon.)
• “I know exactly how you feel.” (Grief is deeply personal.)
• “Let me know if you need anything.” (It sounds helpful, but put the burden on yourself. Offer something specific.)

How to Follow Up After the First Text

That first message matters — but follow-up is what truly shows you care. A few days or a week later, try:

• “I’ve been thinking of you. How are you doing today?”
• “Would you like to talk or meet for a coffee sometime soon?”
• “I’m picking up some food later — can I bring something over?”

Even a simple emoji or heart can remind someone they’re not alone.

Text Templates You Can Copy and Paste

These are ready-to-send messages that you can use or modify depending on your tone and relationship:

Supportive & Sincere:

“Just heard the news — I’m so sorry. I’m here for you.”

Short but Caring:

“Thinking of you. Sending love and strength your way.”

Compassionate + Personal:

“I’ll always remember [Name]’s kindness. Holding you in my heart.”

Simple Check-In Later:

“Just wanted to check in. No need to reply — just thinking of you.”

Closing Thoughts

When someone is grieving, what they remember most is not the exact words you said — but the fact that you reached out at all. Your message won’t fix their pain. It doesn’t have to. The goal is simply to remind them they’re not alone.

Texting during a time of loss may feel small, but it’s not. It’s a thread of connection. It’s presence. And sometimes, that’s exactly what someone needs most.

About the Author

Helen Bach is a relationship expert and writer who helps people find the right words when it matters most. She studied English and English Literature at the University of Michigan, where she developed a passion for how language shapes love, conflict, and connection.

At whattosaywhen.net, Helen writes clear, down-to-earth advice on what to say in real-life situations—from first dates and tough conversations to breakups and makeups. Her goal is simple: to make talking about feelings less awkward and a lot more honest.