When someone calls you ugly, you can feel caught off guard, embarrassed, or suddenly defensive. Many people struggle with what to say because the moment feels personal, heated, and unpredictable — and you may not know whether to respond, walk away, or defend yourself.

Simple wording helps because it reduces the chance of escalation, keeps your boundaries clear, and gives you control of the interaction without needing a long explanation. Short, direct phrases let you communicate how you want to be treated and protect your emotional space.

This article offers a handful of ready-to-use responses you can pick from depending on the situation, plus guidance on what to avoid and practical tips for handling the moment calmly and safely.

Why This Moment Matters

An insult about your appearance touches both your self-worth and how others treat you. Responding poorly can escalate conflict, while not responding at all can leave you feeling unheard. The way you reply sets a tone for how others will behave toward you in the future.

There are also power and social dynamics at play: some people use insults to provoke a reaction or assert dominance. Your response can defuse that intent or reinforce a boundary. Being prepared with simple, composed wording helps you stay aligned with your values and maintain control over the situation.

Finally, how you respond matters for your own emotional recovery. A measured reply helps you retain dignity, reduces the replaying of the insult in your mind, and signals to yourself that you can handle difficult interactions.

Useful Things to Say

Simple Responses

“Please don’t speak to me that way.”
A clear boundary that puts the onus on their behavior rather than on your appearance.

“That’s not acceptable.”
Short and firm; communicates that the comment crosses a line without escalating.

“I’m leaving this conversation.”
A practical disengagement phrase that lets you step away before things worsen.

“I won’t respond to insults.”
Sets an expectation that you won’t get drawn into a back-and-forth.

Supportive Responses

“I don’t deserve to be spoken to like that.”
Centers your worth and makes clear that their comment is about their behavior, not you.

“If there’s something you want to talk about, use respectful language.”
Offers a path back to civil conversation while holding them accountable for tone.

“That remark was hurtful; please stop.”
Names the impact directly and asks for a change in behavior.

“If you’re frustrated, explain the issue without attacking me.”
Redirects the energy toward constructive communication instead of personal insults.

Empathetic Responses

“Are you okay? That sounded out of nowhere.”
A de-escalating line that can diffuse a moment if the person is reacting from their own distress.

“I can see you’re upset — I’m not the target for that.”
Acknowledges their emotion while keeping the focus off your appearance.

“I’m listening to what’s behind that comment, but please don’t insult me.”
Shows you’re willing to engage with the underlying issue without tolerating abuse.

“I don’t want to trade insults; tell me what’s really going on.”
Invites honest conversation and moves the exchange away from appearance-based attacks.

Light, Warm Responses

“That’s your opinion — I choose kindness.”
Calm and gentle, this response deflects with positivity without being dismissive.

“Thanks for your input; I’ll pass.”
Polite and short, it signals you won’t internalize the comment.

“Guess we agree to disagree — let’s move on.”
A neutral, low-energy way to close the topic and shift the interaction.

“I’m comfortable with who I am.”
Firm but warm, this centers your self-acceptance rather than focusing on the insult.

What Not to Say

• Don’t insult them back; that usually escalates the situation and undermines your position.
• Don’t say “You’re right” or otherwise accept the insult if it’s untrue, since that validates abusive behavior.
• Avoid over-apologizing or explaining your appearance, which can invite further commentary.
• Don’t laugh it off if it truly hurt you; minimizing your feelings teaches others their behavior is acceptable.
• Avoid threats or promises of retaliation; those can create real safety risks and legal problems.

Helpful Tips for Handling the Moment

• Keep your tone steady and even; a calm voice reduces escalation.
• Pause briefly before responding to collect your thoughts and choose your words.
• Use short sentences; clarity is more effective than long explanations.
• Maintain open but controlled body language — hands visible, shoulders relaxed — to show you’re composed.
• If you’re in a public place and feel unsafe, remove yourself and seek help from bystanders or security.
• If the person is someone you’ll see regularly, consider following up later when both of you are calmer.
• Protect your emotional boundaries: it’s okay to block, mute, or limit contact if the behavior repeats.

Final Thought

You don’t need the perfect comeback to protect yourself. Choosing simple, firm wording and keeping your boundaries clear will usually do the job. What matters most is that you respond in a way that preserves your dignity and keeps you safe.

Let us know in the comments if this has helped or if you’ve got suggestions we can include

About the Author 

Helen Bach is a relationship expert and writer who helps people find the right words when it matters most. She studied English and English Literature at the University of Michigan, where she developed a passion for how language shapes love, conflict, and connection.

At whattosaywhen.net, Helen writes clear, down-to-earth advice on what to say in real-life situations—from first dates and tough conversations to breakups and makeups. Her goal is simple: to make talking about feelings less awkward and a lot more honest.