It’s normal to feel shocked, angry, or unsure of what to do when someone calls you a monkey—whether it happened in person, online, or in a group. That sudden sting can make it hard to think clearly; these suggested phrases and approaches are designed to help you respond in a way that protects your dignity, keeps you safe, and moves the situation toward the outcome you want.

Why This Moment Matters

Being called a monkey can be a simple insult or a loaded racial or dehumanizing attack depending on context. How you respond affects your emotional safety, the tone of the environment (workplace, school, social setting), and whether the behavior is allowed to escalate or be normalized. A clear, composed reply can protect your boundaries and set expectations for how people treat you.

Short, Simple Things You Can Say

• “Don’t call me that.”
• “That’s not okay.”
• “I won’t accept that kind of language.”
• “Please stop.”
• “Why would you say that?”
• “I don’t find that funny.”
• “If you keep talking like that, I’m leaving.”

Longer Messages With More Warmth

• “When you call me a monkey it feels dehumanizing and hurtful. I’d appreciate it if you stopped.”
• “I know you might think it’s a joke, but that word carries a lot of painful history for many people. Please don’t use it with me.”
• “I want us to talk respectfully. If there’s an issue, tell me directly—saying things like that isn’t helpful.”
• “I’m not interested in being insulted. If this is about something specific, say it without the name-calling.”
• “I’m telling you honestly that this crosses a line for me. If it happens again I’ll report it / walk away / block you.”

What to Avoid Saying

• Don’t laugh it off as if it didn’t matter—minimizing can encourage repeat behavior.
• Avoid returning a slur or escalating with equally demeaning language.
• Don’t assume intent or immediately label the person as “racist” in a way that prevents discussion; intent can be part of the conversation but shouldn’t excuse the harm.
• Avoid getting physically confrontational—this increases danger and can undermine your position.
• Don’t ignore your safety needs by staying in a situation that feels threatening.

Helpful Tips for Handling the Moment

• Take a breath before answering; a short pause helps you choose a response rather than react.
• Decide your goal: de-escalate, educate, set a boundary, or remove yourself; pick a response that serves that goal.
• If this occurs at work or school, document the incident (time, witnesses, exact words) and report to HR or the appropriate authority.
• Name the behavior briefly and move on: a calm firm line (“That’s not acceptable—let’s continue the meeting.”) often stops it faster than a long lecture.
• If online, use blocking, muting, and reporting tools; take screenshots if you need evidence.
• Reach out to a friend, colleague, or ally afterward—processing the incident with support helps reduce its emotional impact.

A Note About This Particular Situation

Context matters: the same words from a stranger on social media, a coworker in a meeting, or a friend joking in private carry different weight and require different responses. Pay attention to power dynamics, your safety, and whether this is part of a pattern—those factors should guide whether you aim to educate, enforce a boundary, or escalate to a third party.

Let us know in the comments if this has helped or if you’ve got suggestions we can include

About the Author 

Helen Bach is a relationship expert and writer who helps people find the right words when it matters most. She studied English and English Literature at the University of Michigan, where she developed a passion for how language shapes love, conflict, and connection.

At whattosaywhen.net, Helen writes clear, down-to-earth advice on what to say in real-life situations—from first dates and tough conversations to breakups and makeups. Her goal is simple: to make talking about feelings less awkward and a lot more honest.