It can feel disorienting when he tells you he wants to keep it casual — you might freeze because you don’t know how to protect your heart while staying polite. This moment matters because how you respond sets boundaries, preserves your self-respect, and clarifies whether this arrangement could actually work for you.

Why This Moment Matters

Hearing that he wants something casual often touches on unmet expectations: maybe you were picturing more, or maybe you need clarity to avoid getting hurt. Your answer will shape the relationship’s emotional terms and influence whether you feel safe and respected. It also reveals how well your needs align — being clear now prevents confusion and resentment later.

Short, Simple Things You Can Say

• Thanks for being honest — I appreciate knowing where you stand.
• I’m glad you told me, but casual isn’t what I’m looking for.
• I can do casual for now as long as we’re clear about what that means.
• I’d rather take a step back if we’re not on the same page.
• I need some time to think about whether that works for me.
• That’s okay — let’s talk about boundaries and expectations.

Longer Messages With More Warmth

• I appreciate your honesty. I enjoy spending time with you, but I want to be upfront: I’m looking for something more committed. If that’s not where you are, I don’t want to string either of us along.
• Thank you for telling me. I respect your choice, but casual relationships can be emotionally complicated for me. If we continue, I’d need clear communication about seeing other people and how often we’ll connect.
• I’m glad you were direct. Right now I value my emotional safety, so I’ll pass on casual arrangements. I hope we can still be respectful to one another if our paths cross.
• I hear you and I don’t want to pressure you. If casual means no expectations and the freedom to date others, I can accept that for a short time — but I’ll check in regularly about how it’s going for me.
• I want to be honest in return: I’m attracted to you and enjoy our time together, but if I start wanting more, I’ll speak up. Can we agree to be transparent rather than avoiding the conversation?

What to Avoid Saying

• Don’t guilt or shame him with lines like “You’ll regret this” or “You don’t know what you’re losing.”
• Avoid begging or pleading for commitment — it reduces your leverage and self-respect.
• Don’t pretend casual is fine if you know it will hurt you later.
• Avoid vague agreements without specifics; “we’ll see” usually leads to confusion.
• Don’t use ultimatums that you aren’t willing to follow through on just to force a decision.

Helpful Tips for Handling the Moment

• Ask clarifying questions: What does casual mean to you? Exclusivity? Communication frequency? Seeing other people?
• Decide your non-negotiables ahead of time so you can respond without being pushed into an emotional corner.
• Set boundaries about contact, emotional intimacy, and disclosure — make them concrete (e.g., “No late-night calls when either of us is dating someone else”).
• Give yourself permission to step back if you feel jealous or hurt; protecting your emotional energy is valid.
• Revisit the agreement periodically; feelings can shift and it’s okay to renegotiate or end things.

A Note About This Particular Situation

“Casual” often hides different expectations; he might mean low commitment while you imagine a growing partnership. Avoid assuming his words match your definition — the healthiest outcomes come from naming specifics and checking back in. Remember that the choice you make now should protect your emotional needs, not just keep the peace.

Let us know in the comments if this has helped or if you’ve got suggestions we can include

About the Author 

Helen Bach is a relationship expert and writer who helps people find the right words when it matters most. She studied English and English Literature at the University of Michigan, where she developed a passion for how language shapes love, conflict, and connection.

At whattosaywhen.net, Helen writes clear, down-to-earth advice on what to say in real-life situations—from first dates and tough conversations to breakups and makeups. Her goal is simple: to make talking about feelings less awkward and a lot more honest.