When someone says they’re not okay, it’s normal to feel unsure of what to say — silence can feel safer than risking the wrong thing. This moment is an invitation to help without rescuing: your steady presence and simple words can make it easier for them to breathe, keep talking, or accept practical help.

Why This Moment Matters

Hearing ‘I’m not okay’ is a vulnerable disclosure; the person has lowered a guard and trusted you with something delicate. How you respond shapes whether they feel seen, shamed, or further isolated. A calm, accepting reply can de-escalate distress, encourage honesty, and create space for problem-solving or simply being together.

Short, Simple Things You Can Say

• ‘Thank you for telling me — I’m here.’
• ‘Do you want to talk about it now or would you prefer I check in later?’
• ‘I hear you. That sounds really hard.’
• ‘You don’t have to handle this alone.’
• ‘What would help you most in this moment?’
• ‘I can sit with you if you want company.’

Longer Messages With More Warmth

• ‘I’m really glad you told me. I don’t know exactly what you’re feeling, but I want to listen and support you without jumping to fixes. Tell me what feels most important right now.’
• ‘That sounds overwhelming. If it helps, we can go through it together — or if you’d rather sit quietly, I’ll stay. Whatever you need, I’ve got you.’
• ‘I can’t imagine exactly how this is for you, but I believe you and I care. If you want help figuring out next steps or just need someone to text with, I’m here for both.’
• ‘You’re not a burden to me. If you want, we can make a small plan for the next hour or the next day — something manageable that might make today feel a little easier.’

What to Avoid Saying

• Minimizing: ‘It’s not that bad’ or ‘You’ll get over it.’
• Dismissing feelings: ‘You shouldn’t feel that way.’
• Comparing or assuming: ‘I know exactly how you feel’ (unless you truly share the same experience and have permission to speak for it).
• Forced positivity: ‘Just think positive!’ or ‘Look on the bright side.’
• Immediate problem-fixing without consent: ‘Here’s what you should do…’ without asking if they want advice.

Helpful Tips for Handling the Moment

• Listen first; reflect feelings back (e.g., ‘You seem exhausted and fed up’) to show you understand.
• Ask gentle, open questions: ‘What feels hardest right now?’ or ‘Do you want help figuring this out?’
• Offer specific, small options: ‘Want me to call someone with you? I can bring dinner tomorrow? Shall I sit with you for 30 minutes?’
• Respect boundaries: if they say they need space, agree on a time to check in.
• If you’re worried about safety (talk of self-harm or inability to care for themselves), ask directly and urgently: ‘Are you thinking about hurting yourself?’ and seek professional help if needed.
• Follow up later — a brief message the next day shows this wasn’t a one-off response.

A Note About This Particular Situation

When someone says they’re not okay, the phrase can cover anything from temporary overwhelm to serious crisis; don’t assume the level of urgency. Let the person define their needs when possible, and balance compassionate presence with asking direct questions about safety if you have concerns. Small, consistent actions after the initial conversation often matter more than a single perfect reply.

Let us know in the comments if this has helped or if you’ve got suggestions we can include

About the Author 

Helen Bach is a relationship expert and writer who helps people find the right words when it matters most. She studied English and English Literature at the University of Michigan, where she developed a passion for how language shapes love, conflict, and connection.

At whattosaywhen.net, Helen writes clear, down-to-earth advice on what to say in real-life situations—from first dates and tough conversations to breakups and makeups. Her goal is simple: to make talking about feelings less awkward and a lot more honest.