It’s easy to freeze when someone says they can’t decide — you might feel pressure to solve it quickly or worry about steering them the wrong way. The goal is calm, steady support that reduces stress and respects their autonomy when someone says they can’t decide.

Why This Moment Matters

Indecision often hides anxiety, fear of making the wrong choice, or simply mental overload. How you respond can either increase their stress or help them feel seen and regain clarity. A steady, nonjudgmental reply preserves trust and keeps the conversation constructive rather than escalating into frustration. In many relationships, the way you handle small decision moments sets a pattern for how you handle bigger ones together.

Short, Simple Things You Can Say

• “Take your time — there’s no rush.”
• “Do you want a quick suggestion?”
• “Would it help if I listed a couple of pros and cons?”
• “Want me to pick for you this time?”
• “What feels most important to you right now?”
• “Do you want a minute to think, or want to talk it out?”

Longer Messages With More Warmth

• “I hear you — decisions like this can feel heavy. If you want, we can break it into smaller steps and focus on what matters most to you first.”
• “You don’t have to decide alone. I can share what I’d do, offer two options, or help you think through the consequences — whichever you prefer.”
• “It’s okay to be unsure. If making a choice feels risky, we can set a trial period or a low-stakes way to test one option and change course later.”
• “I trust you to make the right call for you. If it helps, tell me what outcome you’d be happiest with and we’ll work backward from there.”
• “If the many options are overwhelming, tell me which two feel the least awful and we’ll compare only those.”

What to Avoid Saying

• “Just choose — I don’t have time for this.” (dismissive pressure)
• “This is so simple, what’s wrong with you?” (minimizes feelings)
• “If you don’t decide now, it’ll be your fault.” (guilt or blame)
• “You always do this.” (bringing up unrelated history or criticism)
• Flooding them with a long list of new options without helping narrow things down.
• Making the decision for them repeatedly without offering to coach toward independence.

Helpful Tips for Handling the Moment

• Ask one clarifying question to narrow the real issue (e.g., “Is it the options or the outcome that’s worrying you?”).
• Limit choices to two or three — fewer options reduce paralysis.
• Offer a gentle default: “If you want me to choose, I’ll go with X unless you say otherwise.”
• Suggest a short time limit if appropriate: “Want five minutes to think and then we decide?”
• Use framing techniques: ask what they’d recommend to a friend or what they’d choose if they weren’t worried about X.
• Respect their autonomy — if they need space, check when you can revisit the topic.

A Note About This Particular Situation

People who say they can’t decide are often weighing emotional costs rather than facts; focus on clarifying values and fears rather than just giving more information. Be mindful of power dynamics — if your relationship typically lets you make decisions, stepping back can be a meaningful way to support their agency. If the choice is consequential, encourage a small step or trial that reduces the sense of all-or-nothing.

Let us know in the comments if this has helped or if you’ve got suggestions we can include

About the Author 

Helen Bach is a relationship expert and writer who helps people find the right words when it matters most. She studied English and English Literature at the University of Michigan, where she developed a passion for how language shapes love, conflict, and connection.

At whattosaywhen.net, Helen writes clear, down-to-earth advice on what to say in real-life situations—from first dates and tough conversations to breakups and makeups. Her goal is simple: to make talking about feelings less awkward and a lot more honest.