It can be jarring when someone tells you they had a nightmare — the fear and confusion from sleep often spill into the waking moment, and people around them may not know how to respond. When someone says they had a nightmare, a calm and validating reply helps them feel safe and understood without making the moment bigger than it needs to be.

Why This Moment Matters

A nightmare can leave a person physically shaken, emotionally raw, and disoriented about reality for several minutes. How you respond shapes whether they feel supported or dismissed, and it can either help them settle back into safety or prolong their distress. This moment also signals trust: they’ve chosen to tell you, and your reaction can deepen or strain that connection.

Short, Simple Things You Can Say

• ‘I’m sorry — that sounds terrifying.’
• ‘You’re okay now. I’m here with you.’
• ‘Do you want to talk about it or just sit quietly?’
• ‘Would you like a glass of water or some fresh air?’
• ‘Do you want the lights on or off?’
• ‘Do you want to be held or do you prefer some space?’

Longer Messages With More Warmth

• ‘That sounds really upsetting. If you want to tell me what happened, I’ll listen without judging — or if you prefer silence, I can sit with you quietly until you feel calmer.’
• ‘I’m so sorry you woke up like that. Your body and mind were reacting to something frightening, but you’re safe now; we can take a few slow breaths together.’
• ‘Nightmares can make you feel like it’s still happening. If it helps, I can stay up for a little while, make tea, or distract you with something gentle until you feel steady.’
• ‘It’s okay to be shaken. Would it help if I helped you name what you remember from the dream so it feels less urgent, or would you rather put it out of your mind for now?’
• ‘You don’t have to handle this alone. Tell me what you need in this moment — I want to help in the way that’s most comforting to you.’

What to Avoid Saying

• ‘It was just a dream’ (minimizes their feelings and can feel dismissive).
• ‘You always have nightmares’ or other sweeping generalizations that shame or blame.
• ‘Don’t be dramatic’ or jokes that belittle their fear.
• Immediately offering psychoanalysis like ‘that means you’re stressed about X’ unless they ask for interpretation.
• Sharing your own worse nightmare story right away, which can take focus off them.
• Pressuring them to talk if they clearly want quiet or to end the conversation abruptly.

Helpful Tips for Handling the Moment

• Match your tone: keep your voice low, steady, and calm to help regulate their breathing and emotions.
• Offer simple grounding tools: ask them to name five things they can see, four they can touch, three they can hear, etc., or suggest slow counted breaths together.
• Check physical needs: offer water, a blanket, adjusting the room temperature, or moving to a brighter/warmer space per their preference.
• Respect boundaries: let them choose whether to discuss details; some people find retelling helpful, others find it retraumatizing.
• If nightmares are frequent or connected to trauma, gently suggest professional support and offer to help find a therapist or physician if they want assistance.
• Follow up later: a quick message the next day (“Thinking of you — are you okay?”) shows ongoing care without pressuring.

A Note About This Particular Situation

Nightmares can come from many sources — stress, medication changes, late-night horror media, or unresolved trauma — but you don’t need to diagnose them in the moment. Your priority is to provide immediate safety and validation; if the person is repeatedly distressed by nightmares, encourage a calm, nonjudgmental conversation about next steps when they’re ready.

Let us know in the comments if this has helped or if you’ve got suggestions we can include

About the Author 

Helen Bach is a relationship expert and writer who helps people find the right words when it matters most. She studied English and English Literature at the University of Michigan, where she developed a passion for how language shapes love, conflict, and connection.

At whattosaywhen.net, Helen writes clear, down-to-earth advice on what to say in real-life situations—from first dates and tough conversations to breakups and makeups. Her goal is simple: to make talking about feelings less awkward and a lot more honest.