Sliding into DMs often feels like a tiny performance: you want to be interesting without being intrusive. Simple, respectful wording reduces pressure for both people and makes it easier to get a reply — or to accept no reply without awkwardness. Below are ready-to-use openings and practical guidance for approaching someone on social media.

Why This Moment Matters

A direct message is private and personal in a way a comment or like isn’t, so your message can shape how the other person sees you quickly. Whether you’re reaching out to compliment, connect professionally, or ask a question, your tone sets the boundary between friendly and invasive. Showing attention to detail (mentioning something specific) signals respect and makes a connection more likely.

Short, Simple Things You Can Say

• Hey [Name], I loved your recent post about [topic] — where did you find that source?
• Hi — I noticed we both follow [mutual friend/account] and thought I’d say hello.
• Hey, quick question: are you still involved with [project/organization]?
• Hi [Name], your photo at [place] was great — did you shoot it yourself?
• Hello — enjoyed your thread about [topic]. Mind if I ask one follow-up?
• Hi! Hope this isn’t random — I’m [Your name], we met briefly at [event].

Longer Messages With More Warmth

• Hi [Name], I’m [Your name]. I appreciated your post about [specific point]; it gave me a new perspective on [related topic]. Would love to hear more about how you got interested in that.
• Hey — I saw your work on [project] and thought it was impressive. I’m working on something related and wondered if you’d be open to a short chat or to share one tip for someone just starting out?
• Hi [Name], your travel photos are great — I’m planning a trip to [place] and noticed you went recently. Any recommendations for a first-timer? If you’re up for it, I’d love a couple of pointers.
• Hi — I enjoyed your take on [issue]. If you ever want to exchange resources or talk more, I’d really appreciate it. No pressure at all if you’re busy.

What to Avoid Saying

• Avoid comments that focus only on appearance or are sexual — e.g., “You’re so hot.”
• Don’t open with a generic pickup line or overused phrase that feels rehearsed.
• Avoid overwhelming someone with a very long first message or multiple unanswered messages.
• Don’t assume romantic interest or closeness — phrases like “we should date” are too forward.
• Avoid sending links or attachments in the first message (can feel spammy or unsafe).

Helpful Tips for Handling the Moment

• Personalize: mention something specific from their profile or recent post to show you’re not mass-messaging.
• Keep it brief: one to three sentences is often enough for a first outreach.
• Match tone to platform: LinkedIn calls for more professional language; Instagram and Twitter can be more casual.
• Respect timing: if they don’t reply, don’t pester. A single polite follow-up after several days is okay; otherwise move on.
• Be clear about intent: say if you’re asking for help, offering collaboration, or just saying hello.
• Watch power dynamics: if they’re a supervisor, client, or teacher, choose a professional, boundary-aware approach.

A Note About This Particular Situation

Sliding into DMs crosses a private boundary, so context matters: whether you share mutual friends, attended the same event, or follow the same communities changes how you should approach them. Also consider platform norms and the person’s public tone — someone who keeps accounts professional may not welcome casual or personal messages. Above all, respect their response (or lack of one) and adjust your behavior accordingly.

Let us know in the comments if this has helped or if you’ve got suggestions we can include

About the Author

Helen Bach is a relationship expert and writer who helps people find the right words when it matters most. She studied English and English Literature at the University of Michigan, where she developed a passion for how language shapes love, conflict, and connection.

At whattosaywhen.net, Helen writes clear, down-to-earth advice on what to say in real-life situations—from first dates and tough conversations to breakups and makeups. Her goal is simple: to make talking about feelings less awkward and a lot more honest.