It’s normal to feel a little uncertain when someone says “I’m thinking” — that phrase can mean anything from “I need time” to “I’m unsure” or even “I’m avoiding the topic.” A calm, respectful reply helps keep the conversation clear without making them defensive or rushing yourself. Use simple, steady language that acknowledges their need for space while also stating any practical needs you have.

Why This Moment Matters

When someone says they’re thinking, you’re at a crossroads between patience and clarity. How you respond shapes whether the other person feels supported or pressured, and it affects the pace of the decision. This moment also reveals relationship dynamics: whether boundaries and expectations are respected, and whether you can trust follow-through. Handling it well preserves goodwill and keeps communication open.

Short, Simple Things You Can Say

• “Okay—take the time you need.”
• “Thanks for telling me. When do you think you’ll decide?”
• “I appreciate you being honest.”
• “If you want to talk through it, I’m here.”
• “That makes sense. Can we check in on [date/time]?”
• “No rush, just let me know when you’ve figured it out.”
• “I hear you. I’ll wait to hear your thoughts.”

Longer Messages With More Warmth

• “I understand this is a lot to think about. If it helps, I can share the key details again or give you space—whatever you need to feel comfortable deciding.”
• “Thank you for being upfront. I care about your perspective and would rather you take time than make a quick choice you’ll regret. Let me know if there’s anything I can clarify.”
• “I know making this decision might be stressful. I’m here to listen without pressure; if you want to brainstorm pros and cons together, I’m happy to help.”
• “I respect that you need time. Because I’m planning around this, could we agree to touch base in three days so I know where things stand?”
• “I appreciate your honesty. If you prefer to think alone, I’ll wait — but please tell me if you need more information or a firm deadline.”

What to Avoid Saying

• “So do you mean yes or no?” (Puts pressure on a person who asked for time.)
• “You’re overthinking this.” (Dismisses their process.)
• “I can’t wait forever.” (Threatening or guilt-inducing.)
• “If you don’t decide now, I’ll assume….” (Makes assumptions and forces a choice.)
• “Why are you taking so long?” (Shames or rushes them.)
• “I don’t understand why this is difficult.” (Minimizes their feelings.)

Helpful Tips for Handling the Moment

• Ask a clarifying, low-pressure question like “Do you want more time or more information?” to learn what they need.
• Offer a specific check-in time: “Can we revisit this on Friday?” gives structure without forcing an answer now.
• Respect silence if they ask for space, but set a gentle boundary if you have scheduling needs.
• Provide any details they might need to decide (costs, timelines, alternatives) to reduce confusion.
• Notice patterns — if “I’m thinking” becomes a frequent stall, address it separately to avoid repeated uncertainty.
• Manage your expectations emotionally: decide in advance how long you’re willing to wait.

A Note About This Particular Situation

“I’m thinking” is ambiguous by design; it protects the speaker’s space but can leave the listener unsure. Pay attention to tone and context—sometimes it signals genuine deliberation, other times avoidance. Be prepared to balance patience with clear limits so you protect your own time and emotional needs while respecting theirs.

Let us know in the comments if this has helped or if you’ve got suggestions we can include

About the Author 

Helen Bach is a relationship expert and writer who helps people find the right words when it matters most. She studied English and English Literature at the University of Michigan, where she developed a passion for how language shapes love, conflict, and connection.

At whattosaywhen.net, Helen writes clear, down-to-earth advice on what to say in real-life situations—from first dates and tough conversations to breakups and makeups. Her goal is simple: to make talking about feelings less awkward and a lot more honest.