It can feel awkward and heavy when someone says they don’t trust people — you may freeze, worry about saying the wrong thing, or wonder how to respond without seeming defensive. The goal is to respond in a way that acknowledges their feeling, keeps the conversation safe, and leaves space for them to share or step back as they need.

Why This Moment Matters

Hearing that someone doesn’t trust people is a clear signal about their experience of the world and of relationships; it’s rarely about a single event and often reflects past hurts or ongoing fear. Your response can either reinforce their caution or create a small, gentle opening for connection. How you react shapes whether they feel heard, judged, or pressured. This exchange is an opportunity to model steadiness and reliability, even in one short interaction.

Short, Simple Things You Can Say

• Thank you for telling me that — I appreciate your honesty.
• I hear you. That must be really hard.
• I don’t want to push you; I’m here if you want to talk.
• I respect your boundaries and I’m glad you shared that with me.
• It’s okay to be cautious — you don’t have to explain everything.
• If it helps, I can be someone you can test trust with slowly.

Longer Messages With More Warmth

• I can’t imagine exactly what you’ve been through, but I believe you when you say you don’t trust people. I want you to know I’m not trying to rush you or change your mind.
• I want to be reliable with you. If there’s something small I can do to show I’m trustworthy — keeping a promise, checking in when I say I will — tell me and I’ll do it.
• It makes sense to be careful. If you ever want to talk about what led you here, I’ll listen without trying to fix it unless you ask me to.
• I value our connection and I’ll respect whatever pace you need. If you’d rather have contact that’s consistent but low-pressure, I can do that.
• I’m sorry you’ve had experiences that led you to feel this way. You deserve people who earn your trust — I’m willing to show up and let that happen over time.

What to Avoid Saying

• “You just need to get over it” or any line that minimizes their experience.
• “Everyone’s like that” or sweeping generalizations that dismiss their specific pain.
• Telling long stories about how someone else betrayed you as a way to one-up their experience.
• Pressuring them to trust you quickly or asking why they can’t trust people — that can feel like blame.
• Assuming their distrust is about you personally and responding with defensiveness.
• Offering quick fixes like “just be positive” or insisting therapy is the only solution without support.

Helpful Tips for Handling the Moment

• Stay calm and neutral; your steadiness helps them feel safer in a tense moment.
• Use reflective listening: name what you hear (e.g., “You feel like trusting people is risky”) before responding.
• Offer concrete, small commitments (specific times to check in, clear promises) and then follow through.
• Respect silence and boundaries — sometimes trust is rebuilt through actions rather than words.
• Ask permission before probing: “Would it be okay if I asked more about that?” gives control back to them.
• Keep contact predictable; consistency over time matters more than a single grand gesture.

A Note About This Particular Situation

When someone says they don’t trust people, it’s often rooted in past betrayals, trauma, or learned caution rather than a personal rejection of you. Avoid treating it as a problem to solve immediately; instead, prioritize consistency, patience, and respecting their pace. Over time, small reliable actions usually speak louder than explanations.

Let us know in the comments if this has helped or if you’ve got suggestions we can include

About the Author 

Helen Bach is a relationship expert and writer who helps people find the right words when it matters most. She studied English and English Literature at the University of Michigan, where she developed a passion for how language shapes love, conflict, and connection.

At whattosaywhen.net, Helen writes clear, down-to-earth advice on what to say in real-life situations—from first dates and tough conversations to breakups and makeups. Her goal is simple: to make talking about feelings less awkward and a lot more honest.