When someone says, ‘I don’t know anymore,’ it can feel like the conversation has hit a foggy pause—both because the speaker may be exhausted and because you might be unsure how much to push. That simple sentence often holds confusion, burnout, doubt, or grief, and your response can help them feel seen rather than judged. The goal is calm, steady presence that opens a space for clarity over time.

Why This Moment Matters

Hearing ‘I don’t know anymore’ is often a signal that someone has been carrying uncertainty for a while and has reached a tipping point. It can mark the start of a meaningful conversation (about a relationship, work, identity, or wellbeing) or a cry for relief from constant decision-making. How you respond can either reduce their isolation or inadvertently shut them down, so thoughtful wording matters.

Short, Simple Things You Can Say

• ‘I hear you.’
• ‘That sounds really heavy.’
• ‘Do you want to tell me what feels most confusing?’
• ‘You don’t have to decide anything right now.’
• ‘I’m here with you—no pressure.’
• ‘Would it help if we look at one small thing together?’

Longer Messages With More Warmth

• ‘I’m really sorry this has been so hard. You don’t need to have an answer tonight—if you want, I can just sit with you while you talk or be quiet with you.’
• ‘It sounds like you’ve been running on empty and things are starting to blur. That makes total sense. Do you want to name one thing that feels worst right now, and we can take it from there?’
• ‘I can’t fix this for you, but I want to understand. Tell me what ‘I don’t know anymore’ means for you in this moment—about us, your job, or anything else—and I’ll listen without rushing you.’
• ‘If you’re feeling stuck, we can break this down into tiny steps. Would picking one small decision to tackle together feel better than trying to solve everything at once?’

What to Avoid Saying

• ‘Just decide—what’s the big deal?’ (pressures and invalidates)
• ‘You’re overreacting’ or ‘It’s not that bad.’ (minimizes their experience)
• ‘Everyone feels like that sometimes’ without listening first (dismisses their uniqueness)
• Offering immediate, unsolicited solutions like ‘You should quit’ or ‘You should leave’ (can feel pushy)
• Comparing with your own quick-fix story: ‘Oh, I felt that way and now I’m fine’ (can shut down their truth)

Helpful Tips for Handling the Moment

• Stop multitasking and give them your full attention—eye contact and a calm tone matter.
• Use open, gentle questions: ‘What feels most unclear right now?’ rather than yes/no prompts.
• Offer presence first: ‘Would you like me to listen, help problem-solve, or just sit with you?’
• If their uncertainty seems tied to exhaustion or depression, suggest practical supports (rest, doctor, therapist) and offer help finding resources.
• Set small follow-ups: ‘Can we check in tomorrow so you don’t have to carry this alone tonight?’
• Respect their pace—some people need silence or time to process before talking more.

A Note About This Particular Situation

‘I don’t know anymore’ is a very flexible statement—it can mean anything from temporary overwhelm to deep questioning of identity or relationships. Avoid assuming you know which it is; instead, ask one clear, caring question and let the person define what they need. If the uncertainty is persistent or accompanied by hopeless language, gently explore safety and consider connecting them to professional support.

Let us know in the comments if this has helped or if you’ve got suggestions we can include

About the Author 

Helen Bach is a relationship expert and writer who helps people find the right words when it matters most. She studied English and English Literature at the University of Michigan, where she developed a passion for how language shapes love, conflict, and connection.

At whattosaywhen.net, Helen writes clear, down-to-earth advice on what to say in real-life situations—from first dates and tough conversations to breakups and makeups. Her goal is simple: to make talking about feelings less awkward and a lot more honest.