It’s normal to feel caught off guard when someone tells you they’re insecure — that admission is an act of trust and can feel delicate. When someone tells you they’re insecure, your words can either help them feel seen and steadier or unintentionally deepen their shame. The goal is calm, clear responses that acknowledge the feeling and offer gentle support.

Why This Moment Matters

When someone shares their insecurity they are lowering a protective barrier and inviting closeness. How you respond affects whether they feel safe opening up again and whether they can move from shame toward self-compassion. This moment can strengthen your relationship, give practical clarity, or — if handled badly — reinforce the very fears they expressed.

Short, Simple Things You Can Say

• “Thank you for telling me.”
• “I hear you.”
• “That sounds really hard.”
• “You’re not alone in feeling that.”
• “I’m here with you.”
• “What would help you right now?”
• “I appreciate your honesty.”

Longer Messages With More Warmth

• “I really appreciate you trusting me with this — it takes a lot of courage to share. I want to understand what you’re feeling, if you want to tell me more.”
• “I’m sorry you’ve been feeling insecure. I care about you, and I’m here to listen without judgment whenever you want to talk.”
• “Some of those feelings make sense given what you’ve been through. I don’t have all the answers, but I’ll support you as you figure out what helps.”
• “If it helps, we can break this down together — what situations make you feel most insecure, and what would feel safer for you?”
• “I believe you. If you’d like, we can work on one small thing together to help you feel more secure.”

What to Avoid Saying

• “You’re being dramatic” or “You’re overreacting.”
• “Everyone feels insecure sometimes” used to dismiss their specific pain.
• “Just be confident” or quick, simplistic fixes that imply effort alone will solve it.
• Comparing their experience to someone else’s to minimize it (“At least it’s not…”)
• Turning the conversation into a debate about facts instead of feelings.
• Immediately giving unsolicited long lists of solutions without first listening.

Helpful Tips for Handling the Moment

• Pause and listen fully — give them space to finish before responding.
• Validate their experience: name the emotion (“That sounds painful”) rather than trying to correct it.
• Ask gentle questions: “When did you first notice this?” or “What would help you feel safer?”
• Offer specific, realistic support (check-in later, sit with them for a while, help find resources).
• Respect boundaries: if they don’t want to talk, say you’re available when they are.
• Follow up after the conversation to show consistency and care.

A Note About This Particular Situation

Insecurity can come from many places — past relationships, workplace pressures, body image, or internalized expectations — so avoid assuming the cause. The person may be testing whether you’ll respond with acceptance or criticism; consistent, small acts of support matter more than a single perfect reply. If their insecurity is deep or linked to depression, encourage professional help gently and offer to assist with next steps if they want.

Let us know in the comments if this has helped or if you’ve got suggestions we can include

About the Author 

Helen Bach is a relationship expert and writer who helps people find the right words when it matters most. She studied English and English Literature at the University of Michigan, where she developed a passion for how language shapes love, conflict, and connection.

At whattosaywhen.net, Helen writes clear, down-to-earth advice on what to say in real-life situations—from first dates and tough conversations to breakups and makeups. Her goal is simple: to make talking about feelings less awkward and a lot more honest.