When someone tells you they’re not feeling well emotionally, it can catch you off guard and make you worry about saying the wrong thing. People often freeze because they want to be helpful but don’t know how to respond to vulnerability. A calm, steady reply that acknowledges their feelings and offers presence can make a big difference.

Why This Moment Matters

This disclosure is an act of trust: they’ve let you into a private, painful place. How you respond can either deepen connection or make them retreat. A grounded, non-judgmental reply helps them feel seen and can lower immediate distress. It’s also an opportunity to notice if they need more support than you can provide.

Short, Simple Things You Can Say

• I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way.
• Thank you for telling me; I care about you.
• Do you want to talk about what’s going on?
• I’m here with you — you’re not alone.
• Would you like some company or some quiet time?
• That sounds really hard.

Longer Messages With More Warmth

• Thank you for trusting me with this. I don’t want to try to fix it right away — I’d like to listen. Tell me what feels heaviest for you right now.
• I can see this is really painful. I care about you and I’m here for whatever you need — whether that’s talking, distractions, or help finding someone to talk with.
• I don’t have all the answers, but I want to stay with you through this. If it helps, we can sit quietly, go for a walk, or make a plan together for next steps.
• It sounds exhausting to be feeling this way. If you want, we can think about small, concrete things that might make this moment easier — I’ll do whatever I can to help.
• If you’re worried about being safe or having harmful thoughts, I want to support you in getting immediate help. You don’t have to handle that on your own.

What to Avoid Saying

• “Just cheer up” or “It’s not that bad” — minimising their experience.
• “I know exactly how you feel” — assuming identical experience can feel dismissive.
• “You should/shouldn’t…” — abrupt advice can shame or silence them.
• “At least…” comparisons that make their feelings seem invalid.
• Ignoring the disclosure or changing the subject quickly.

Helpful Tips for Handling the Moment

• Listen more than you speak: use quiet prompts (“Tell me more,” “What’s that like?”).
• Offer specific, practical support (“Do you want me to stay for a bit?” or “Can I help you call someone?”).
• Check for immediate safety: ask gently if they’ve had thoughts of harming themselves, and act quickly if they have.
• Respect boundaries: if they don’t want to talk, ask how you can support them and follow up later.
• Follow up: a brief message or visit in the next day or two shows you care beyond the initial moment.
• Know your limits: encourage professional help if needed and offer to assist with finding resources.

A Note About This Particular Situation

Emotional distress can look very different person to person, and what feels supportive to one person may feel invasive to another. Pay attention to their cues about privacy and contact, and avoid assuming severity based on a single conversation. If you ever worry they might be an immediate danger to themselves, stay with them and seek emergency help right away.

Let us know in the comments if this has helped or if you’ve got suggestions we can include

About the Author 

Helen Bach is a relationship expert and writer who helps people find the right words when it matters most. She studied English and English Literature at the University of Michigan, where she developed a passion for how language shapes love, conflict, and connection.

At whattosaywhen.net, Helen writes clear, down-to-earth advice on what to say in real-life situations—from first dates and tough conversations to breakups and makeups. Her goal is simple: to make talking about feelings less awkward and a lot more honest.