When a child loses a pet, adults often freeze because they want to protect the child from pain but also to be honest. Simple, steady words can make space for grief and help the child feel seen rather than rushed through their feelings. This page offers short phrases and slightly longer ways to respond that respect a child’s age and the special bond they had with their pet.

Why This Moment Matters

A pet is usually a daily companion, a comforter, and sometimes a child’s closest friend; losing that presence can feel like losing a family member. How caregivers respond teaches the child what grief looks like, that feelings are allowed, and that memories are safe. This moment can shape a child’s understanding of death, trust in adults, and ability to express emotions.

Short, Simple Things You Can Say

• ‘I’m so sorry about [pet’s name].’
• ‘I know you loved them a lot — it’s okay to feel sad.’
• ‘Would you like a hug?’ or ‘Do you want to sit with me?’
• ‘If you want, we can talk about your favorite memory of [pet].’
• ‘Do you want to draw a picture for them?’
• ‘It’s okay to cry. I’m here.’

Longer Messages With More Warmth

• ‘I remember how [pet’s name] used to come running to you — you gave them such a good life, and it’s okay to be really sad right now.’
• ‘Losing a friend hurts. We can sit with the sadness together and talk about all the silly and sweet things [pet] did.’
• ‘If you have questions about what happened, I will answer them honestly and in a way you can understand. You can ask anything, anytime.’
• ‘We can make a small thing to remember [pet] — a drawing, a box of mementos, or a storybook — and keep them with us.’
• ‘Your feelings are important. You don’t have to be brave for anyone else; you can just be yourself.’

Faith-Based Messages

• ‘If you’d like, we can say a prayer together and ask God to hold [pet’s name] in peace.’
• ‘Some people believe animals rest in a peaceful place — if that helps you, we can talk about it or pray.’
• ‘We can light a candle and give thanks for the joy [pet] brought to our family.’

What to Avoid Saying

• Avoid ‘It was only a pet’ or any phrase that minimizes the relationship.
• Avoid quickly offering a replacement like ‘We can get another one,’ which dismisses the child’s current grief.
• Avoid euphemisms like ‘went to sleep’ for young children — they can create fear around sleeping.
• Avoid forcing them to be okay or saying ‘You shouldn’t cry’ or ‘You’ll get over it.’
• Avoid giving more scientific detail than the child can handle if they just need comfort right now.

Helpful Tips for Handling the Moment

• Use clear, age-appropriate words: say ‘died’ or ‘passed away’ rather than vague phrases that confuse young children.
• Let the child lead the conversation: follow their cues about how much detail they want.
• Offer concrete rituals: drawing, a memory box, a small burial, or a photo album can help children process loss.
• Be honest about what happened, including euthanasia or accidents, in simple terms and without blame unless necessary.
• Watch for ongoing changes in sleep, appetite, or play; if these last or the child seems stuck, consider talking with a pediatrician or counselor.

A Note About This Particular Situation

If the pet’s death was sudden, violent, or involved euthanasia, expect stronger reactions and more questions — gentle honesty and reassurance are especially important. Respect the family’s cultural and religious views about animals and death, and adapt your words to the child’s age, temperament, and previous experience with loss. Above all, prioritize presence and listening over trying to fix the feeling.

Let us know in the comments if this has helped or if you’ve got suggestions we can include

About the Author

Helen Bach is a relationship expert and writer who helps people find the right words when it matters most. She studied English and English Literature at the University of Michigan, where she developed a passion for how language shapes love, conflict, and connection.

At whattosaywhen.net, Helen writes clear, down-to-earth advice on what to say in real-life situations—from first dates and tough conversations to breakups and makeups. Her goal is simple: to make talking about feelings less awkward and a lot more honest.